A Weekend of Revelations

Hi All! I know it's been a while since I've written. It's been a busy time in my life, and a time full of transitions. I found out on 3/11 that my full time job is ending as of June 30th of this year. They think. It could be that date or September 30th. They are funded by our county, and the county hasn't given the company I work for a definite date of termination yet. I work as a Social Worker, and have been working at this company for a little over four years at this point. We all knew this termination was a possibility as far back as December of this year. I've had a myriad of feelings about this news since it was official. I've fluctuated from feeling sad from the perceived "loss of stability" to feeling elated because.... it's finally over. I've experienced a lot of chaos, drama, communication issues and scheduling conflicts while working there.

This past weekend, I've realized I was the primary source of my anxiety. I put too much pressure on myself to reach positive outcomes, and I gave my power away to my boss when I let her reactions to situations emotionally affect me. Furthermore, I was focusing on all my negative feelings and resistance about working at this job. And what did that do for me? Make me more depressed, anxious and miserable. I also had all these expectations of my boss and how she should act as a Supervisor. All these expectations caused me to be very upset. My focus should have been on God. What is God's plan for me while I am here? What spiritual lessons can I learn from this situation? How can I better serve God? I was employed there for a reason and a season. I shouldn't be trying to control the duration, or throw a pity party and play the victim. If you're in a similar situation, I invite you to be introspective and reflect on the situation at hand. Is the situation you're in calling you to be more patient? Or be more assertive and stand up for yourself? Set more boundaries? Every situation we're in helps to fulfill a spiritual lesson set up by our soul's contract.

Since my last entry in December, I've started two new positions. They are both flexible and per diem. One is as an expressive therapist and the other is as a child's mindfulness teacher on a virtual platform. I am hoping those opportunities will flourish into greater opportunities. My heart is more invested in these two other positions much more than it is with my full time job. But I have to remember to be grateful for the experience and sustainability my full time job has given me. I've been listening to Sarah Prout and using her manifesting products since November. Using her products help me to be in the right mindset to create abundance. Three of my favorite affirmations that she uses are: I am ready. I am worthy. I am grateful. She also encourages participating in activities that bring you joy to raise your vibration. For me, that's writing, painting, yoga, dancing, and singing. What are yours?

This past Friday I went to a yoga and crystal manifestation workshop. It was run by someone that I graduated yoga teacher training with. It was absolutely wonderful, and something that I really needed after a stressful work week. During the workshop we meditated, and I made the choice to be connected and to communicate with God. Sometimes I get the intuitive nudge to make different choices in my life to heal patterns. This was one of those times. Ever since that moment, I feel so alive! I don't feel as lost, ungrounded, anxious or depressed as I had in the past. Unknowingly, I had subconsciously made the decision to disconnect from God. And now that I made a new choice I have so much more energy. My mistake was relying on myself for my needs. I need to look to God to fulfill me, and for God to show me my path in life.

The next morning I had an hour long clarity call that could potentially lead to Christian spiritual coaching. The truth is I already follow other spiritual teachers. However, I recognize I had some Christianity blocks in the past so I decided to explore this option. The call was thorough, and they delved into my childhood to see what wounds I needed to heal. Ultimately, we discovered that I felt emotionally abandoned by my parents. And that's why this pattern persists in my life in different ways though different situations. And at that moment I realized why I kept having situations where I felt "people abandoned me when I needed them most." Coming to that realization gave me great peace. I never fully understood until that moment why I had so many abandonment issues to work through. Coming to that conclusion brought me great peace. The conversation I had during the clarity call also shed light on my issue with perfectionism. There were instances where I felt my parents didn't show me love unless I was "perfect." As a result, I put all this pressure on myself not to make mistakes. Until this moment, I hadn't made the connection between the two. The phone call was very validating, but I ultimately decided to stay with the spiritual teachers I already follow. I have to tools to do self healing. I just need to break the cycle of codependency, take initiative and use them. Thank you for reading! Love and Light. Namaste.