Cry Me a River 7/6

I couldn't sleep last night. My mind was in hyper drive finalizing a decision to break an old pattern. I will not settle for less than I deserve. I shouldn't stay in a situation that no longer serves me just because I made a prior commitment or because I feel guilty. So I am working to change this by making a new choice. At any rate I have been up since 2am this morning.

I had a healing session at noon today. I didn't know what to expect. It could have went one of two ways: either I was completely numbed out to my feelings or overly emotional. I gave it all up to God before the session. I was both, actually: numb at times and overly emotional at times. And of course, the coach did not always let me take the lead so we talked about my twin. Or rather my feelings towards lack of contact with my twin in over two years. Of course I had to give myself permission to feel my feelings. But once I did feel my feelings...... I found I felt abandoned, rejected and hurt that I am not friends with my twin flame. Yet, I left him. But we are one consciousness. Tears were free flowing for quite some time. And I gave myself unconditional love and acceptance. Self love is critical on this journey. I now feel a weight has been lifted.

We continued to talk for a little while after the session. And I revealed I met my twin flame at work. The coach suggested I thought it was forbidden love; since I didn't want to fall in love at work. Although I denied this, as I reflected on it later I came to a startling discovery.

I was angry at God. God delivered me a twin flame at work. Work is where I have been sexually harassed by bosses verbally. Work is where I have been obsessively sought after by a guy. Even though I was engaged at that time. Work is where boundaries have been blurred by men basically since I have been in my early twenties. And work is where my twin was harassed by a female coworker because she had an affair with his boss. His boss ended the affair and he was his boss's assistant. No, none of these occurrences at the job where we met. AND I met my false twin flame at the same job I met my real twin flame. So, all these things occurred and he has us meet at work, REALLY? Are you serious? Well, God has a funny sense of humor.

But then when I think about the challenges other twins have to overcome: Being states or countries apart, a huge age gap, one twin is married, one twin is married with children, one twin thinks they aren't attracted to the other twin's gender, etc....... and I realize I'm pretty blessed. Light and Love <3