How pink eye led to a spiritual crisis 6/5/19

The saga/journey continues straight from my last blog post. However, it took me a few days to come to my latest realization after spiritually dissecting my most recent illness. As stated in my previous post, I missed the early services at my church. I decided to go to 7pm service, now that my flat tire was fixed. Two strange things occurred while I was at service. My left eye started itching uncontrollably, and my Pastor decided this was the day he'd mock spiritual people. He said it wasn't enough to be spiritual, and implied that you had to have a firm foundation in the Bible and follow Jesus Christ. For me personally, I have believe in God most of my life and Jesus Christ for the same duration I believed in God. However, I do not believe that Christianity is the only way to salvation. And I guess that is really where my story begins. I have been attending this church for 3 years and they are non denominational and claim to be accepting of all people. Now my Pastor did apologize after making those comments..... but that's still not really accepting of all people. So Sunday night into Monday I developed pink eye. With body aches and fevers. I felt more awful than I have in a long time. And I noticed a pattern. This happens to me when I deny a deep truth about myself. Every time I do it, I get very very sick. However, it's usually not with pink eye. I've never had that particular illness until now. And according to a spiritual mentor of mine, pink eye is symbolic of "something you are resisting seeing." I was resisting seeing that my church is not as open minded as they claim and I don't resonate with a lot of the principles. It's become more of a routine, and for me routine feels safe. Even if it's not true to my heart. I gave myself all these reasons: I've been going there for three years, I have a community there, I like to volunteer there and it's where I met my divorce care support group. And while all those reasons are true... it still doesn't make me want to read a Bible. It also doesn't make me feel closer to my twin. Going to a Buddhist Temple and meditating does. Chanting sanskrit makes me feel closer to God. And I still believe in Jesus. As a prophet, and that's just me. And that's okay. But I cried for an hour today coming to that realization. And I was still confused and felt guilty. It's hard to unravel from an ideology you were born into. Even though I claimed the practice of Buddhism for myself back in High School. I just never pursued it. So, within a week I will say goodbye to my old spiritual routine and pursue a different spiritual route again for the second time. Does any of this resonate with you? Light and Love <3